How to make a relationship work: 10 no bullsh*t tips

In this guide you’ll learn everything you need to know about how to make a relationship work.

What to do.

What not to do.

(And most important of all) how to make sure you both thrive, grow and be happy in the relationship.

Let’s go…

1) Share your feelings

Until now, maybe you’ve been a little reticent to share your feelings with your guy. Perhaps you’ve been wary of opening yourself up too much, too early.

That’s understandable and, within reason, is a pretty healthy way to be. Opening up too much early on can be damaging to a budding relationship.

But once you’re in an established partnership, sharing and talking about feelings becomes essential.

If you can’t do this, you can’t grow. Sharing your feelings, even if they’re negative, is a way of making plans, of sorting out problems and of connecting.

All this may sound obvious, but it doesn’t come easily to everyone, or even to most people. If you’ve been hurt before, it’s natural to feel that you want to keep a little of yourself back from the relationship, rather than jumping in and sharing everything straight away.

Try not to let previous problems affect this relationship. That’s not fair on either of you. Many great relationships end up struggling because partners simply don’t communicate properly.

This is often because you fail to move on to the next stage, emotionally. You feel that you must still be on your best behavior, trying to impress, rather than asking for your needs to be met.

Eventually, every little annoyance or niggle or concern will come to the surface, often in a much uglier and more emotional way than it would have if you had just been able to talk from the beginning.

When communication is completely open and honest, you’ll be able to survive anything, even a long distance relationship.

Top tip:

Sharing negative feelings doesn’t mean that you should be constantly expressing anger or making accusations.

If you’re annoyed with something he’s done, try and avoid saying things like ‘you make me feel’. That’s a big accusation and will make him feel defensive.

Instead, say ‘I feel’, or ‘I’m concerned about’. This allows for an open discussion, with you being able to put your point across without him feeling that you’re flinging mud around.

2) In a long-term relationship, you must allow each other some privacy

When you’re in love and enjoying spending time together, it’s tempting to feel that all you want to do is spend more time together. Why wouldn’t you want to?

But being a couple in love doesn’t mean that you stop needing time alone, or that you stop being an individual with needs of your own.

And while many of your needs may be met in the relationship, you’re bound to have some that are not.

It’s especially important to remember to give each other privacy and space if you’ve just moved in together, as many couples do at this stage of a relationship.

When you’re not living together, you get used to spending all your time together when you’re in the same house.

When you move in together, you need to find ways to carve out space even when you’re both at home.

How you do this will depend partly on what you like doing and how much you’re generally out of the house.

If you have busy careers, separate hobbies and social lives that take you out of the house frequently, it might well make sense for you to spend most or all of your time at home together.

But if you’re both at home together often, you might find it’s easy to fall into a rut of watching TV together and feeling like you can’t simply go off and do your own thing. Make a point of giving each other some space. This especially the case if you’re dating someone with anxiety.

If you’re feeling a little crowded, don’t let it get to the point where you snap at him. Raise the subject gently but firmly.

It can sometimes feel that someone is pulling away if they ask for more space. Reassure him that’s not happening, and make it a positive thing for both of you.

3) Split chores evenlyEven if you don’t live together yet, chances are you’re spending more and more time at each other’s places.

By this stage, you’re not simply a guest when you go to visit him, you are part of his home, as he is when he’s at your place.

This is the perfect time to lay down a few rules to make your time together fair and avoid arguments.

Housework is a common cause of disputes between couples. Let’s face it, a lot of the time women tend end up picking up more of the housework than men, usually without realizing it.

And many men, even if they used to keep their bachelor pad immaculate, end up taking a backseat once they move in with a woman.

This isn’t usually deliberate or malicious, but simply a result of strong unconscious forces at work.

Most of us grew up seeing our mothers do more housework than our fathers, and it’s hard not to do the same, even if we don’t intend for this to happen.

The problem is, that an uneven split of chores leads to resentment down the line. It also doesn’t do your sex life much good: when you’re always the one mopping the kitchen floor, it’s hard to feel all that sexy.

Stop this happening before it even starts. Make a list of chores that need doing and split them between you.

If one of you works longer hours than the other, you might decide a totally even split isn’t fair.

The aim is to have an even amount of leisure time throughout the week. That way, you can focus on your budding relationship, rather than on rowing about the vacuuming.