Relationship anxiety: 9 common signs and how you can overcome it

Love is a very complicated thing.

Why?

Because it can be our reason for living and our cause for hopelessness. It’s a pure, universal emotion that can turn us from lovers to bitter, jaded people.

And for many, the double-edged sword of love causes something else:

Relationship anxiety.

What exactly is it?

It’s a form of anxiety concerning romantic relationships. Instead of being happy, one constantly doubts the strength of their love.

According to Karla Ivankovich, Ph.D., a clinical counselor at OnePatient Global Health in Chicago, it’s “when one or both people in the relationship spend more time in anxious thought about the relationship than tending to the relationship itself.”

But if it’s normal to have concerns about one’s relationship, how can you be so sure that what you’re experiencing is relationship anxiety?

Well, there are several notable signs to take note of:

1) You Can’t Help But Overanalyze All the Time

Look, here’s the thing:

Being skeptical or critical isn’t necessarily bad.

In fact, the ability to think thoroughly before believing in something helps you discern reality from fiction — what’s fact and what’s a mere delusion.

So what’s the issue?

Well, the problem is when you seem to never get satisfied with the answers you get, even when every bit of information has already been presented and cross-examined multiple times.

According to Dr. Smerling in Bustle, “a perfect example is when the overthinker starts to create scenarios in [their] own mind and they base their actions on events that haven’t happened yet.”

Imagine this:

You’re on a date. You leave a good first impression of how well-dressed you are. You also know how to pique your date’s attention with a variety of interesting topics and geeky jokes.

But then you do this once your dinner arrives:

First, you ask if they have a previous partner.

Your date says ‘yes’ — and your eyebrows are raised at this point.

You ask how many exes they have. How intimate they’ve gone. How they broke up. Who initiated the breakup. Whether there was cheating involved or not. How likely they will cheat on you.

And a bazillion other questions.

Do you know why you’re doing this?

Because you’re trying to avoid failure. You’re very afraid of it. You want to know as many things as possible to determine whether someone is likely to break your heart or not.

And you know what?

It’s totally fine to express your worries about being hurt in love.

What isn’t alright is when you disrespect another person by asking questions that are way too personal.

You simply don’t force them to recall things that might be painful for them, especially if you two just met.

But here’s the worst thing about this dilemma:

You can’t stop yourself from being so inquisitive.

That’s relationship anxiety — you have no control over your negative thoughts about your partner, or even just a potential love interest.

2) You’re Afraid to Be in a Serious Relationship

How long do you think should it take for two people dating to talk about getting serious?

For some, it should be after the third date. Some take weeks. Others, months or even years. The time depends on how well they’ve come to know the other person.

If you have relationship anxiety, this will be your answer:

“Never.”

No matter if you’re already in love with someone, you can’t commit to a relationship.

Why?

Because in the back of your mind, there’s that deep-seated fear:

That you’re going to be alone in the end — that you’re once again putting yourself up for betrayal and disappointment.

After all, according to Lisa Firestone in Psychology Today, love can make us feel vulnerable:

“Letting ourselves fall in love means taking a real risk. We are placing a great amount of trust in another person, allowing them to affect us whuch makes us feel exposed and vulnerable.”

If you cannot be certain that this person is the one for you, what’s the point of getting serious?